A little writing for my Comp II class

A little writing for my Comp II class.

And There We Stood

     Most people enjoy their Christmas Day with presents, family gatherings, a nice dinner, or even a quiet night at home, but for me it was different that year. I sat silently sobbing in my car alone as I pulled up to the cemetery. It had been one year to the day since my life changed forever, and it still felt like it was just yesterday.  I gently fiddled with the delicately arranged pink and purple flowers in my hands as I waited for him to arrive.  It was only a brief moment before I saw the headlights of his car light up the dark and mournful cemetery entrance. As I slowly walked to meet him at the gate I felt a powerful surge of emotions. It had been a year since I’d seen him, and I was confused and overwhelmed by the cascade of feelings.  I felt I could just explode, but I took deep breath and felt the cold evening air fill my lungs which helped center me for the moment. We opened the gate and ambled our way to the one grave that seemed to bring a bit of cheer to the place with its mini Christmas tree sweetly lit with pink and purple lights. When we reached the grave site I again took a deep breath as I gingerly placed my color coordinating flowers on the cold damp ground. Then I closed my eyes, and I was back to where it all began.
     It was Christmas morning and I was back living with my parents since the breakup. What a terrible breakup it was. I mean, who breaks up with someone just months after finding out they’ll be having a baby together? Who breaks up with someone by defriending them on MySpace at that?! I was bitter and alone, but my parents were a huge help. God love them, but they will sleep in until noon on any day off they get.  The whole house was asleep, but I was up intensely watching the clock on my bedside bookshelf. The red digital display was the only light on, and it seemed to illuminate my entire room. I stared for a good long while, and nothing was regular in terms of possible contractions, so figured I was having what I thought were gas pains. It was 5:00 AM, and I didn’t want to bother anyone with my tummy troubles, so I decided to get an early start to my day.  I waddled my giant pregnant self to the restroom which was, thankfully, just down the hall. After doing my business my heart dropped to the floor. I was immediately in tears at the sight of the blood, and I called out for my mommy.
     “Mom! Mommy! Something is wrong!” I fought to get the words out through my frantic sobs.  She ran into the room and tried to gain some control of the situation even though I could see the panic starting to well in her eyes. “Get your shoes and coat,” she calmly ordered as she grabbed her keys, still wearing her Coca Cola jammies. We were out the door in less than 5 minutes, and my mom helped me navigate my way over the icy sidewalk into the car. She closed the door and turned on her hazard lights as she peeled out of the driveway. Once we hit the empty, early morning highway my contractions came out of nowhere and hit me like a ton of bricks. Every 5 minutes I grabbed the car door to brace myself for the pain, and my amazing mom talked me through each one, still cool as a cucumber. “Just breathe Sara, and relax. Tensing up will only make it worse.” I’ll never understand how she could remain so calm.  It was a thirty minute drive to the hospital, but since it was early and my mom was driving like a bat of hell we made it in a record breaking twelve minutes.
     We made our way to the labor and delivery floor straight away. There were so many questions that it was all a blur. They asked me why I was there and how far along I was in my pregnancy. I began to answer, “I had some bleeding this morning…” I winced in pain as a contraction hit me, “and I am only 23 weeks and 5 days along.” The look on the nurse’s face said it all; she was worried as well. I was checked in with no hesitation and led to my room by a nurse in cheery Christmas scrubs covered in candy canes and presents. The upbeat, festive nurse had me change into my fashionable backless gown and proceeded to strap me into all kinds of monitors and machines like some kind of medieval torture professional. I laid there rather uncomfortable as the itchy Velcro wraps held the rigid monitors to my already rock hard belly. I tried to lose myself as I watched the contraction monitor spike with little red hills every few minutes. It wasn’t long before the doctor came in to check me for dilation. I giggled a little on the inside as I felt like a thanksgiving turkey, but then her answer brought me back down to the harsh reality I was facing, “She is already 10 centimeters dilated.” That is when the anxiety set in. There was nothing they could do to stop my labor, and I was terrified.
We knew the baby would be born, and soon, so I figured it would be best to call her father and let him know. We may not have been together, but he was still her father, so I had my mom call him since I was still in shock and in immense pain.  “Mom, please call Todd. He needs to be here!” As she was on the phone I let out a contraction induced scream that seemed to rattle the ugly beige walls.  “He didn’t answer, but I left him a message,” she said with a very clear look of annoyance on her face. No surprise there, he hadn’t been taking my calls for the last couple of months. Even though it was expected I was still a little disheartened.  “Maybe my crazy pregnancy yells will light a fire under his ass!” I was only half kidding when I uttered that under my breath.
     Time seemed to pass like a raging bull, fast and uncaring of anything in its way. As much as the medical team tried, they could not keep the inevitable from happening, so they tried to make me as comfortable as possible for as long as I could take it. I tried to be strong and bear through the pain, but it rose in a striking crescendo only to climax with a loud scream.  The doctor said it was time to discuss my options. “We don’t try to resuscitate babies born before 24 weeks, but since you are so close we want to do an ultrasound to measure the baby.” I reached for my mom’s hand, and she squeezed it tight as I buried my face into her hair. The sweet smell of lavender did nothing to ease my worried mind; it raced, filled with worst case scenario thoughts.  They wheeled the ultrasound machine in and got to work. Seeing my daughter’s tiny body on the screen filled my heart with love and joy if only for a moment. “One and a half pounds.” the ultrasound tech announced. That was it, she met the cut off, and the doctor agreed to deliver and do everything they could for my baby. I let out a small sigh of relief.
     With a breech preemie on the way we opted for a cesarean section in order to give her the best chance possible. My entire family had gathered in the waiting room, but I wanted my mom to accompany me into the operating room. Just then Todd rushed into the room with a look of guilt and terror on his face. I knew he should go with me, and he, with no hesitation, agreed. Everything was a mad rush as they pushed some medical scrubs into his hands and wheeled me away into the operating room.  After my spinal block was administered they placed me on the cold slab of an operating table, and all I could do was shake. I was so scared and confused. When the procedure began to the time they pulled my beautiful doll like daughter out was a split second. They showed her to me for only a glimpse before they whisked her off to begin saving her life. I looked up at my baby’s father as tears welled up in my eyes, and nothing else mattered in that moment.  “I’m so sorry,” was all he said as he choked back his tears.
     Things were very hazy as I came to the realization that this was actually happening. This was real. My baby was fighting for her life. I laid in the recovery room impatiently waiting to see my daughter. As the pin prickly feeling in my legs came back I was allowed to go see her. A staff member took me down in a wheel chair to see my precious little gift, and the moment I laid eyes on her was bitter sweet. I had just given birth to a wonderful miracle, but seeing her with wires and monitors hanging off of every tiny perfect limb was jarring.  I spent every waking moment by her side, fighting through the pain, and my groggy medicated state. All I wished for was to hold her in my arms, but in her condition it wasn’t an option. I spent the next day just staring at her with love in my heart and fear in my mind. As the day came to a close I went to bed for some doctor ordered rest.
Upon waking the next day the first thing on my mind was getting down to the NICU to see my little Leila. I went down with high hopes and was met with a somber NICU pediatrician. There were nurses and doctors in her pod rushing about like busy little worker bees, and I was so lost and out of place.  I didn’t’ know what was going on, and all she told me that was that I should probably call my family. The waterworks started again, as I got on the phone to call my family and Todd. This time Todd answered on the first ring, “What’s wrong?! Is everything ok?” I knew it wasn’t good, and all I could do was cry at my baby’s bedside as the medical team worked around me with no interaction, as if I wasn’t even there.
     We all gathered in a meeting room on the NICU floor, eagerly awaiting the news as to what we could expect. I tried to occupy my racing mind by looking at the smiling faces of the families in the photos on the walls. Families that seemed to stare back at me with hope and at the same time empty promises for a future that I knew was just out of my grasp. The doctor quietly walked in and sat down in front of me and Todd. “Your daughter has suffered a major brain hemorrhage. We’ve made her as comfortable as possible….” The flood gates opened, and the world stopped at that moment. I didn’t hear anything else, I couldn’t. Nothing could penetrate the sounds of my own crushing sobs. After what seemed like an eternity I was able to center myself and listen. “You can wait this out, but she won’t survive. We recommend removing life support, but it is your choice.” How can a parent make that choice?  I don’t remember how we arrived at the choice to remove life support, that part is far too painful a memory to recall, but to ease her suffering it was what had to be done.
     I walked over to her incubator for the last time. Looking at my tiny perfect daughter I was distressed. Just the day before she was strong and playful as she pulled her monitor wires between her toes every chance she got. Now as she laid there, sedated, she was so still and so peaceful. I wished I had the same feeling of peace, but the thought of what came next plagued my mind. I tried to fight back the thoughts as I spent my last few hours with her wanting to cherish every second of our fleeting time together. As I choked back the tears I was able to tell her, “I love you my sweet baby.” I sat in silence for the next few hours wishing this was all a nightmare, and hoping I would wake up.
The NICU nurses came in and started to remove her monitors and wires. As they worked to dress her and get her cleaned up Todd and my mom joined me in the room. We all sat at the foot of the bed as the whirring and beeping of her machines stopped one at a time. Even though the NICU was a loud and busy place everything seemed to stop as they laid my daughter in my arms for the first time. The nurses had dressed her in a white eyelet dress with a tiny blue flower at the collar, and she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I was overwhelmed with conflicting feelings. I was overjoyed to be holding my daughter for the first time, but I knew this would also be my last which sent me into fits of uncontrollable weeping. With Todd at my side cupping her tiny head, and my mom there with her arm gently wrapped around my back I held my baby close as if the closer I held her the longer I would have with her. I slowly brought her up to my lips and softly kissed her forehead as I whispered, “I love you, and I will always love you.” I looked up and there stood the NICU doctor. She leaned in, stethoscope in hand, to listen for a heartbeat. As she looked at me a tear fell, and in that instant I knew that my baby was gone.
     I opened my eyes, and yet again filled my lungs with the crisp winter air. In that moment I felt his hand grab mine. The familiar warmth and strong grasp were reassuring. I looked up into his eyes and saw the pain and the love that we both felt, and I fell into his arms. We stood there in silence at Leila’s grave, both missing our tiny perfect baby, both realizing that we lost our daughter but gained a better understanding of ourselves. We were stronger, closer, and forever bonded.

There we stood… forever changed.

Part 2 of my DIY Centerpieces - Construction of the Stands

I wanted tall centerpieces as I mentioned in my pomander tutorial, and by golly I was going to get them without spending an arm and a leg. Pssshhh $50 - $200 per centerpiece, no thank you!

Here again is one of my inspiration images

I've tackled the pomanders on the cheap, now here come the stands for said pomanders.

I needed long, decorative, wood pieces. Hmm.... where was I going to find these without having to pay too much for them? I did a once over on all the scrap wood we had in the garage and wasn't seeing anything. Then I turned around and saw our old drop side crib for the kids. As I stared at it I realized the bars would be perfect! And since you can't sell those drop side cribs anymore I figured I might as well get some use out of it, so I took it apart

There we go, the poles for our tall centerpiece stands. 

Now the trick was to get them to stand up. With all the scrap wood we had in the garage I knew I would be able to figure something out. At first I thought, "oh I'll just cut out some squares and glue it together." I thought about it and quickly dismissed the idea as that would look funky. I needed circles. I went to my finance for this step. He suggested a circle blade for the drill. Whadduya know, they cut out circles!

These bad boys rocked! It took awhile to get the hang of using them , but it cut perfect circles in the 1 inch thick (what I think is) plywood. It came in huge sheets and it was what we used to make the castle loft bed. 

From This

To this

I cut out 2 different sizes of circles so the base wouldn't look so plain. Then I widened the holes a bit with a large drill bit so that the poles would fit perfectly. Now for the assembly. I just threw some wood glue in the holes on the circles and them pushed the poles in and let it dry. 

Woo hoo! now we have a stand. It doesn't look like much right now, but with a little paint and some embellishments it will really shine!

That concludes part 2 of the centerpieces. Part 3 is coming soon!

DIY Pomanders for Tall Wedding Centerpieces

I really wanted those gorgeous tall centerpieces I had seen on Pinterest, but nearly fell over in my seat at the prices on these things. $75-$250 per centerpiece. I have 15 tables to cover, and I most certainly do not want to spend thousands on centerpieces. That would be nearly half of my budget. I pulled out my DIY thinking cap and got to planning on how I could make these bad boys for a fraction of the cost.

Here some of my inspiration images.

 




Now on to how I made the pomanders (the stand I will get to in another post)

I looked online for tutorials and how to's but they all required Styrofoam balls. Those suckers are not cheap. $5-$10 per ball. I'm trying to think cheap sooo.... I thought, "round....can glue things to it.... paper lanterns"

That's right paper lanterns, and I found them nice and cheap, less and a buck each!

These are my base and can be found here

 

Now I have something round on which I can glue things, so let's see how that works. 

I'll need a glue gun, glue sticks, and some roses. The glue gun I had and the roses I got here 

 

I pulled all the roses off of the stems, so I just had the little plastic stub at the bottom of the rose. This is where I will put the glue.

 


Now that I have that little stub, I'm going to add some glue to it.






Here comes the tricky part, pressing it into the paper lantern. You have to press hard enough to pop it through the paper but not tear it, so forceful and gentle at the same time. You will hear a little pop when you get it right. Don't worry if you do make a little tear it will be fine.




I start out by make a circle around the entire lantern and then building from there.

                                                                                       




It took me about 42 roses to cover a 6 inch paper lantern, and here is my final product

They are surprisingly durable too. I've had these few hanging from my ceiling, out of reach of my kiddos, for a few months now. 

I can't wait to put them all together with the final touches. Here's a little sneak peek, the stands, of course are not finished, and the ostrich feathers and crystals need to be added. 

Review Time >>> Fiber One Protein Cereal

My newest free product from BzzAgent was Fiber One cereal.

I love my cereal in the morning because I am suuuuper busy and need something fast in the morning.

Fiber one, I've always been a little hesitant to try it because of the jokes I've heard about it. Calling a cereal "colon blow" doesn't make it sound very appealing. I went in with an open mind, and I am glad I tried it.

It tasted amazing. It reminded me a bit of the old Honey Smacks from when I was a little kid, only this had a nice grown up twist. Both flavors were great! The fact that it had protein was a nice benefit because I don't get too much meat in my meals these days because I need them quick and on the go. An even better benefit to this stuff is that it does keep my regular ;) which is one of the reasons I've been recommending it to some choice friends.

Overall it's a big ole "yes give it a whirl"
It tastes great and the health benefits deserve a high five.

C25K week 1 down

This is a huge step for me!

I've finished my first week of training for a 5k!

Granted I only have to run 3x's a week, but I feel great about it. The last time I tried to run I went out once and that was it. This time I have a buddy to motivate me, and I am posting my runs on Facebook  I need to feel accountable for my exercise and calorie counting. Speaking of calorie counting, the Lose It! app rocks my socks. It gave me a daily calorie intake amount to help me reach my goal weight.

The week is over, and I'll weigh myself tomorrow morning, but so far I'm doing much better than I had expected.

I CAN do this, and I WILL do this!!!

Here is my progress up to date. I haven't weighed myself in the last couple of days, so tomorrow I'll get on it and see how I've done :)

Weight loss journey and my desire to run a 5k

I tell you, I have been sooooo very tired of feeling like a fat lump of lard for a while now, but I just haven't been motivated to do anything about it.

I've decided to make the change. While I was working at David's Bridal, I ended up losing about 6lbs just by getting my ass up and moving. That was the push I needed in the right direction.

I looked up the Run for Your Lives 5k and saw it was coming up in June in CO. I want to do it! Of course I am in no shape to run a 5k......yet.

I downloaded a few apps (c25k, Nike+, and rockmyrun) and set out on Monday 3/11/13. Today was my second interval run, and it wasn't bad. 1.84 miles in 30 minutes. I know I can do better, and I will! I am really excited about this zombie run and have wanted to do it for a couple of years now. I WILL do this!

On top of my running/walking, I am also watching my calories. I downloaded an app for that too LOL. Lose It! is pretty sweet. It has a barcode scanner so now I don't have to search or input my own foods.

Since Monday I have lost 1lb total, not bad for 3 days. Overall, that puts me at 7lbs lost in the last couple of months. Woot, woot!

I just have to stick with it, and I will!

It's a new year. Hello 2013

We rang in the new year with great friends, and had a blast. Todd and I got a sitter and finally went out together. We went to a friend's house to eat, drink, and be merry.

I got myself all dolled up, which is one of my favorite things to do. I don't get to do it very often these days since we don't go out often, but maybe that will change this year. Hahaha with kids? Maybe I'll grow a money tree too ;)
I felt pretty! And did you notice how well my lipstick matches my earrings? That's a CoverGirl Blast FlipStick in Vixen. Pretty huh?

Any ways, people always say that a new year is a fresh start. I started mine by working on the 1st. It sucked since that was Leena's birthday. My baby girl is ONE! Her party is this Sunday, so I have lots of stuff to do. I did want to show off her cute as can be invitation too! I designed it just for her superhero themed birthday party. I went for a comic book look.

Cute right!?

Back to the new year stuff. I don't ever make resolutions because really, who keeps those anyways? Every year I just live my life as best I can. I know this year is going to be a busy busy one for sure. I started a new job, and I'll be going to school full time. *sigh* I know for a fact that there will be days that I don't see the girls except for the morning before I go to work. That kind of breaks my heart, but at the same time, some time away from them is good for me. All I can do is keep pushing until I finish school. In the end I'm doing what is best for my kids.

Moving along, if you haven't noticed, I haven't updated anything regarding my weight loss. I failed miserably. I got up to 8 pounds lost, and things went downhill. I've gained it all back. I suck! I really need to get on that though. Being at work kills me. I work at David's Bridal now, and that place is like a darn funhouse. There are mirrors EVERYWHERE! I'm not lying. I can see myself from everywhere in the store. Seeing yourself in that many mirrors all day is enough to motivate one to lose weight for sure. No promises, but we shall see.

I think that is enough rambling for now. It's late, and I need to get back to bed.

Happy New Year!