It's time for me!

I have come to the realization, that I need to work on myself right now. For years I have concentrated on everyone else, and I have let myself go. It is time to fix that. I think once I am up to par I can be a better girlfriend and mother.

Step one: Health and Weight
I am far too big and unhealthy for my own good. I need to take better care of myself. That started today. I went for a nice walk/run. I think doing this 3-4 times a week will be a good start. The other part of that is diet. We eat like crap, and I am tired of it. Todd thinks a complete meal is a pile of meat. No more! I live right down the street from the farmer's market. I think going weekly to pick up some fruit and veggies is a nice move in the right direction.

Step two: Work and Education
Since I got laid off, I've been looking for a new job. It sucks! Nothing out there is willing to pay enough for me to cover daycare and still make at least some money. I have crappy experience and no degree. I won't make enough with out either of those. How will I take care of that? Go back to school! I filled out my FAFSA, and  with any luck I will qualify for enough in grants and scholarships to put the girls in daycare while I go to school. My roadblock there is, what do I do? I can't answer the question, "What do I want to be when I 'grow up'?" I need to think long and hard about this one

Step three: Hobby
This one is easy. Photography is my hobby. I am practicing, and so far I'm still pretty crappy at it. I ordered some equipment to help me out, a flash and some back drops. Outdoor photography isn't my thing, so I'll give the indoor stuff a try with this equipment as soon as it comes it.

Step four: Make new friends
I have like 2 friends, and they are either flakey or don't ever get out. Not the kind of friends any one wants to have really. I am totally socially awkward, so I need to come back to this one LMAO

Welp, there is the baby alarm. I had better run :)

Our Puppy Gypsy

We got a new puppy a couple of weeks ago, and I am losing my mind. House training is hard as heck. I've never had a dog from puppyhood, so I've never had to deal with piss and shit all over my house. I am so worried I'll have "that" house that smells like puppy pee and poop all the time. I clean as often as I can, and I still worry about it.

She is a doll other than that. I love her, the kids love her, and our kitty loves her. She is not high strung and is cuddly and loving.

I think I want to start going for an early morning walk with the dog. I need to lose weight (really need to) and  she needs to be walked. Hmmm.... maybe I'll start on Monday.

On a side bar... I need to get out more. I am losing my mind at home all day at this point. Maybe I'll even make new friends.

Here is our kitty loving on our new puppy.

Bitter Sweet

I got laid off last week. I wasn't thrilled about it because it was a great job and I liked it a lot.

I closed my laptop for the last time last Friday. A feeling of relief came over me as I did. It was hard as hell trying to watch 2 kids while I worked. Now I can concentrate on my babies and get some cleaning done as well.

I also am taking this as a chance to amp up and get my photography business rolling. I'm doing a few free sessions right now to build up my portfolio and get some images for my website. Yup, website, I'm going to get one of those too. Todd said he would build it for me, but we'll see if he ever has time. Between work, school, and a few side jobs here and there, he is swamped. If anything I have a free site up and running for now as well as a facebook page. I've even ordered backdrop that came with a special deal to get 3 more for free. Once I get some income from this I'll work on ordering a lighting set up. That is a huge help with getting great images.

I've also expanded on my Etsy shop. Instead of just graduation invitations and birth announcements, I'll be doing birthday, baby shower, and bridal shower invitations. I've made a couple of sales so far, but now that graduation season is over my business has declined tremendously.

If all else fails I'll get unemployment for a while to at least have some extra money coming in to help with the bills.

Duane's Sydrome

Wow, not only did I find an online support group, I also found a facebook group.

I honestly have never met another person in my lifetime that has also had Duane's Retraction Syndrome. I've even lived all over the country, even out of the country and still never met a single one. It's one of those rare disorders that makes you feel like the only freak on the planet.

I figured I would talk a little about it in hopes of directing others to the support they need because living with Duane's can be tough especially for children.

You may be asking, "What on Earth is Duane's Sydrome?" Here is a brief run down of it


"DS is a miswiring of the eye muscles that causes some eye muscles to contract when they should not and other eye muscles not to contract when they should. People with DS have a limited and sometimes absent ability to move their eye outward toward the ear (ie, abduction), and in most cases, they have a limited ability to move the eye inward toward the nose (ie, adduction).Often, when the eye moves toward the nose, the eyeball also pulls into the socket (ie, retraction), and the eye opening narrows. In some cases, the eye moves upward or downward. Many patients with DS develop a habit of turning their face to maintain binocular vision and thus compensate for improper turning of the eyes. In about 80% of all cases of DS, only 1 eye is affected, most often the left eye. However, in some cases, both eyes are affected; usually, 1 eye is affected more than the other."


Having read that, you gather it is an eye thing, and it's not pretty. As a child I was teased for it ALL the time. Being called "cross eyed" and "crazy eyes" makes you want to hide under a rock in elementary school. It's that age that you get teased for everything under the sun and want to blend in as much as possible. It's a little tough to do with the main focus of your face going wonky when you look to the side. I learned to hide it as best as I could, but it's not easy. I would close my eyes as I turned my head, and I would avoid having to look to the sides with just my eyes, at all costs. It worked to some degree. Now that I'm older I really don't mind as much, but back then I felt like a side show. 

The only thing that bothers me these days is photos of myself that show it. I've learned lots of posing tricks over the years to hide it, but of course it still happens. I don't like looking at it, so I'm sure other people are freaked out by it. It's one of those things that really only becomes a problem when I get nervous or embarrassed, so I don't worry about it too much. Most often I don't even think about it. The last time I was really reminded about it was when I went to get my driver's license renewed. I never realized I had developed the oh so common, compensatory, head turn until then. I was getting my picture taken, and the lady had to ask my numerous times to look straight ahead, well I "thought" I was. I guess this can actually lead to neck and back problems, which I already have. This has lead to me almost want to think about considering surgery. I would need to do A LOT of research about it though. I've briefly glanced over an article or two about it, but that's about it. 

Hmm... I think I'll cut this post short. Duty calls...... the pack is hungry, so this mama wolf needs to dash. I'll revisit this soon though.